"I didn't think you had it in you"

Have you ever been underestimated?

"I didn't think Kate had it in her."

I had just finished running a huge event many years ago, and my boss was telling me she thought I did a great job.

And she paused, and told me that one of the senior VPs had said this to her at the beginning of the project.

(Yes, I agree, not a great or motivating moment from a manager!).

And it made me realize how much of showing up is in the optics.

How did it happen?

Well, I didn't say much in a kickoff meeting of about twenty people because I thought it had been said by others (and I was taking notes/processing a lot, too).

Obviously to me, talking in that meeting had nothing to do with my capability - and yet to this VP, it was everything.

She judged my whole self on one hour where I didn't say much.

Remember that we all interpret communication - or its lack - in very different ways.

I still don't talk much in a meeting if I don't think I'm offering anything of value, but if I had my time again, I would have taken a few minutes in that meeting to introduce myself at least, and flag what I was going to be running, instead of assuming everyone already knew or that it was inefficient.

There's not a clear right or wrong, here, but it's worth keeping in mind if you're working with someone closely.

What are their communications norms?

What are yours?

How can you help them understand you better?