Since when does power have to come with a side dish of eww?

In all the coaching work I do on finding power, authority and persuasive communication, not once do I suggest anyone be cruel, humiliating, insulting, belittling or irresponsibly emotionally dysregulated.

And yet when we see portrayals of power, it’s very often coupled with these same things.

I think it’s one of the many reasons power can feel unwieldy or unwanted to otherwise kind, humane people: we don’t want to risk the blowback or lose ourselves to behavior which feels anathema to our own beliefs.

So we assume, ergo, we are not powerful or don’t have permission to be.

There are so many other types of power and authority for the taking.

💥 Think of your friend with excellent boundaries who says no to an ask but maintains the respect of her colleagues in so doing.

💥 Or your colleague who is comfortable to say they’re wrong, assumes responsibility and puts a plan in place to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

💥 Or even the acquaintance you know who is comfortable in her skin, and manages her team with excellence and ambition.

💥 Or the colleague who takes on feedback, and gives generously to others with incisive, actionable, and priceless help.

We might not hear these stories often, because they’re not headline-grabby.

They’re quieter, calmer, and I’d suggest, more powerful. Why?

Because they’re based in grace and not fear.